the gate

I was reading something very interesting recently. Dr. Voddie Baucham was talking about the consequences of the breakdown of families, and the need for Christian dads to take an active and substantial role in raising their children, especially in helping to prepare them for marriage. He says dads really need to step up.

The result of this is a generation of young men and women who view marriage as a temporary arrangement as opposed to a lifelong covenant. As a father, I must protect my daughter from men who think this way. I must also see to it that I do not allow such thinking in my sons. A young man who is worthy of a wife will have a clear understanding of the covenantal nature of marriage [i.e., binding & permanent]. He will also have a healthy apprehension when he thinks about the magnitude of his responsibility should he assume the role of a husband and father. He must know the weight he is taking on his shoulders and be willing to accept it. He must be a man who is willing to endure hardship for the sake of his family should he be called upon to do so.
What He Must Be If He wants To Marry My Daughter, p. 23

This is part of what it means to be like Christ (Ephesians 5:25) as a husband and father. Only through the power of the gospel can any of us be like Christ — but through the power of the gospel, all of us can be Christlike!

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At the parenting seminar last Sunday, I was emphasizing that parents should play more offense than defense against the world. Bill Farley explains it so well in his book Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting.

Thomas Chalmers (1780-1847), a Scotch Presbyterian, wrote a famous essay entitled The Expulsive Power of a New Affection. In it Chalmers proposes that the best way to overcome the world is not with morality or self-discipline. Christians overcome the world by seeing the beauty and excellence of Christ. They overcome the world by seeing something more attractive than the world: Christ, “in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Col. 2:3). A man who owns an Acura is not interested in a Geo Metro. In the same way, Christian parents try to make Christ and his kingdom glorious. Their children conquer the lusts of this world with a higher passion: the moral beauty of Christ.

By contrast, defensive parents have little confidence in the attractiveness of the gospel. They think the world is more powerful. Fundamentally, they are not confident in the gospel’s power to transform their children from the inside out. They do not believe Jesus’ words, “Take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). They have little confidence in the world-conquering power of new birth.

My wife and I have seen the fruit of this approach in our own experience. My five children all attended public high schools, and then the eldest four matriculated to a state university. Despite the raunchy non-Christian—even anti-Christian—environment (and it was foul), they thrived spiritually. Why? Through the miracle of new birth, God changed their hearts. To them the Holy Spirit had begun to unveil the superlative value of Jesus Christ. The conviction that all their happiness was tied up in their relationship with Christ had begun to bud and grow. The world’s allurements could not compete. [pp. 24-25]

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In an interview about his new book, Tim Challies asks Bill Farley, “Why is the gospel the key to empowering parenting? What is the connection between the words ‘gospel’ and ‘powered?’”

Farley responds:

Paul tells us that “the gospel is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Rom. 1:16). We hear this verse and think the pulpit or witnessing, but parents should hear this and think family devotions. Parents convinced that God’s power is latent in the gospel center their families around the gospel. They are convinced that it provokes new birth, that it will knit their children’s hearts to God, and motivate godly behavior. Our children receive the “imperishable seed” of new birth through the message of the gospel (1 Pet. 1:23). Often parents don’t center their parenting in the gospel because either they don’t really understand the gospel, or they don’t believe that God’s power is latent in the gospel.

The gospel also protects parents from “moralism,” the idea that well-behaved children are the main thing. New Birth is the main thing. The morality of Christ imputed to your children is the main thing. It is not what our children do for Christ but what Christ has done for our children that is the main thing. Ironically, without aiming at it, gospel centered parents get godly behavior from their children.

Read the rest of the interview here.

In a sea of moralistic parenting advice, this book sounds like a real lifeboat.

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If you’re a parent, this is about your family. But what I write here is not only for parents. Today is National Missing Children’s Day. I think it is so important for us as parents to teach our children to enjoy life; to help them experience the joy and hope of Jesus, not the fear and pessimism of man. But neither you nor your children should be naive.

It is estimated that as many as 300,000 American children are working as prostitutes in the U.S.A. (The Human Trafficking Report Newsletter, KlaasKids Foundation)

Did you really think they chose this life on their own?

Every year in America, 200,000 children are abducted by family members, and 58,000 are abducted by non-family members. The primary motive for non-family abductions is sexual. Thankfully, most of those children are quickly and safely returned home. Those that are not are often the victims of the most serious abductions, taken by non-family members and either murdered, held for ransom, or taken with the intent to keep or traffick. Thousands of teenagers run away from home each year, in most cases, because of abusive family situations. Within 48 hours of hitting the streets, one-third of these children are lured or recruited into the underground world of prostitution or pornography. Sadly, some children run away from good homes not knowing the danger that awaits them.

Please, no more jokes about the pictures on the milk cartons.

Mary, age 13, was taken by a 32-year-old man, and commercially exploited sexually in Idaho, Nevada, and California over a period of 18 months. He was charged with six counts of interstate transportation of minors for purposes of prostitution. (The San Francisco Chronicle) Incidentally, 13 is the average age at which female prostitutes in America begin working as prostitutes. Obviously 13-year-olds are not choosing this life on their own.

Fifteen-year-old Debbie, whose story I posted here previously, was abducted from her own driveway one night. She was beaten, fed dog biscuits, and kept in a locked dog kennel. Her abductors advertised her on craigslist under the heading “Teen Love.” Men began to arrive for degrading forms of sex, and paid her captors well. A tip to police led to her eventual freedom and return to her family. (Stop Trafficking Newsletter #43)

Every day, predators are luring, stalking, and beguiling children and teenagers on the Internet. For example, on Myspace, Ryan Clewell contacted six girls — between the ages of 12 and 15 — and asked them to perform sex acts with him in exchange for between $150 and $600. He has been charged with six counts of soliciting a child for prostitution. (see the Internet Predator News Watch blog for other examples - I’m telling you it is happening daily, and not only to girls - While Playing Online Xbox Game, Utah Man Entices 12-Year-Old Boy Into Having Sex)

To learn how to protect your kids online, visit Netsmartz411.

Some of the questions answered at Netsmartz:
How many teens are actually engaging in sexting?
What are the risks of using webcams?
What do online abbreviations/acronyms mean? (P911: my parents are coming; PAL: parents are listening; PAW: parents are watching; PIR: parent in room)
Where can I find Internet safety videos to watch with my children?
see the Library page for more (click here)

Take25 is another good website. Click here to learn 25 ways to make kids safer. Every parent reading this should click this link and print these 25 safety tips.

To learn more, visit the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children website.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Related posts:
Craigslist Crime Network
sex + money
Sex Trafficking In America

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Over on the LifeTogether blog, they posted this very helpful plan for family devotions. If you aren’t already doing family devotions, take this ball and run with it.

Mark Driscoll gives a realistic approach to doing family devotions at dinnertime:

Step 1. Eat dinner with your entire family regularly.
Step 2. Mom and Dad sit next to one another to lead the family discussion.
Step 3. Open the meal by asking if there is anyone or anything to pray for.
Step 4. Someone opens in prayer and covers any requests. This task should be rotated among family members so that different people take turns learning to pray aloud.
Step 5. Start eating and discuss how everyone’s day went.
Step 6. Have a Bible in front of the parents in a translation that is age-appropriate for the kids’ reading level. Have someone (parent or child) open the Bible, and assign a portion to read aloud while everyone is eating and listening.
Step 7. Parents should note key words and themes in the passage and explain them to the kids on an age-appropriate level.
Step 8. Ask questions about the passage.  You may want to begin with having your children summarize what was read—retelling the story or passage outline.  Then, ask the following questions:  What does this passage teach us about God?  What does it say about us or about how God sees us?  What does it teach us about our relationships with others?
Step 9. Let the conversation happen naturally, listen carefully to the kids, let them answer the questions, and fill in whatever they miss or lovingly and gently correct whatever they get wrong so as to help them.
Step 10. If the Scriptures convict you of sin, repent as you need to your family, and share appropriately honest parts of your life story so the kids can see Jesus’ work in your life and your need for him too.  This demonstrates gospel humility to them.
Step 11. At the end of dinner, ask the kids if they have any questions for you.
Step 12. If you miss a night, or if conversation gets off track, or if your family occasionally just wants to talk about something else, don’t stress—it’s inevitable.

Adapted from “Family Dinner Bible Studies” by Mark Driscoll in Trial: 8 Witnesses from 1 & 2 Peter, a study guide. (Mars Hill Church, 2009), pages 69-70.

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I got this from a Journal I get online. I think it is good for fathers to realize how important they are to their children. Hope this motivates us to continue to be there for our children and/or encourages us to step up to the plate and do what we ought. Hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Father Facts — National Fatherhood Initiative
The National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI) was founded in 1994, by former White House advisor and civil society scholar Don Eberly and child psychologist Wade Horn. The mission of the organization is to improve the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathersNFI’s Father Facts (4th edition) is a comprehensive review of research on fatherhood and family trends. Here are NFI’s “top ten father facts” showing that children suffer greatly from the absence of their biological fathers.¹

1. 24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.
2. Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.
3. 1.35 million births (33 percent of all births) in 2000 occurred out of wedlock.
4. 43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.
5. Over 3.3 million children live with an unmarried parent and the parent’s cohabiting partner. The number of cohabiting couples with children has nearly doubled since 1990, from 891,000 to 1.7 million today [c. 2000].
6. Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not. The best predictor of father presence is marital status. Compared to children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to experience father absence, and children born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as likely to live in a father-absent home.
7. About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children; and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father’s home.
8. Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.
9. From 1960 to 1995, the proportion of children living in single-parent homes tripled, from 9 percent to 27 percent, and the proportion of children living with married parents declined. However, from 1995 to 2000, the proportion of children living in single-parent homes slightly declined, while the proportion of children living with two married parents remained stable.
10. Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.²
    

    Footnotes:

    1	See also Kairos Journal article, (2 Timothy 1:5; 3:14-15) — Timothy and the Single-Parent Home
    2	Wade F. Horn, “Top Ten Father Facts,” National Fatherhood Initiative Website (2002), http://www.fatherhood.org/fatherfacts_t10.asp (accessed February 7, 2006).

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